Pixelback Writer's Guide to the Galaxy

Coming Back

2011-08-23T23:10:00.003-05:00

Okay, so it's been a year or so since my last post here. Bad on me. But I felt compelled to start this up again after finding myself in hospital again suffering from the same affliction that landed me there last year.

July 31st, I was starting to feeling crummy. I thought that I had a case of the flu coming on, so didn't think much of it. But, then I started to get the chills, and suddenly I had this horrible feeling that things were progressing the same way they did last year. We waited it out Sunday evening before panicing, but when Monday morning rolled around, it was quite clear that there was something serious going on. I was week, and I could feeling my thoughts becoming clouded, and my speech was becoming labored. We went directly to the emergency room.

I remember getting admitted, and getting onto the bed in the ER. Many nurses and doctors came through, but sometime an hour or so into the ordeal, I begin to loose coherent memories of the events. The next clear thing that I remember is being wheeled into the ICU and transferring over to the ICU bed, which, it turns out, was the exact same bed that I used when I was hospital last year.

My memories are very incoherent in ICU. At one point I woke up, and I had was I later found out was an ice blanket on, because my temperature was 107 degrees! I remember waking up and seeing that a nurse was just finishing up putting a PICC line into my arm, a procedure that I went through at least 3 times last year, and something that I wouldn't think I would be able to sleep through. I have a vague memory of our good friends Brendan and Emmily coming into the room to see how I was doing. It's a jumble. Like someone took a picture album and tore all of the pictures out, scattered them on the floor, and lost half of them.

More to come...

Timelines

2010-10-21T00:31:00.003-05:00

Today I found myself in discussions regarding the timelines of when things happened when I was in the hospital.

When I was in the ICU, time became a big ball of timey-whimey goo, a string of images and half-remembered events. There are certain things that I remember with some clarity. At one point after I got the traych, I got a mucus plug stuck in my airway. This made it extremely hard to breath. Emily called the doctors in, as I tried (unsuccessfully) to remain calm and breath slowly. Eventually, as my breathing became more and more labored, I lost consciousness. I'm not exactly sure how much time passed, but when I came to, the doctors had successfully removed the plug. Another time that I remember is one of the nights soon after I was put on the liquids restriction. I seemed like the longest night ever, as I tried to satiate my thirst with ice chips. Memories like this are there, but I really can't piece them together into a coherent timeline.

I began to think about when I was able to actually stand without a number of people helping. I believe it was sometime in early March that we started to work on standing with a lift in physical therapy. This was nice in that it was a way to get me upright, but was a hindrance in that it wasn't tall enough to allow me to stand up completely. When I went to the University Hospital in Iowa City for surgery in April, the PTs there worked with me using another method to help me stand. That was the first time I actually stood since before all of this had happened, albeit with the assistance of 3 PTs. It was soon after this that I started to head in the right direction as far as standing and, eventually, walking.

I've wondered why it took that long to get to that point. I've tried to pick other memories out from that time to tell if there was any discernible change in how I was feeling, or how I was working on things, and I haven't been able to come up with anything. It is somewhat of an unknown part of my hospital timeline, but one that was a major milestone.

Please stop putting knots in my timeline... I'm going to need that later.

Cat-tastrophy

2010-10-14T01:58:00.002-05:00

Hello all you kitties on the Internets. This is Mocha. Marcus and Emily are my humans. I hacked into Marcus' blog thingy in order to tell all you kitties about the disaster that has happened at our house.

Hershey and I were just fine, living our lives with our humans. Everything was great. But then, a few days ago, Marcus and Emily brought her home. She was a little ball of fur that they decided to call "Twix." What kind of a name is Twix, anyway? I mean, Mocha is sophisticated, and Hershey, well Hershey is cute. But Twix? Please...

Anyway, both Hershey and I explained to them in no uncertain terms that they were to take the fur-ball back to the pet store or Wal-Mart or the dump or wherever they got her immediately. Unfortunately, they did not listen to us. They put her into a big box with cagey stuff on it that they called a kennel. The whine bot made noise all the time. It was so annoying. I even made the hiss noises at her, and she wouldn't shut up! So, to punish our humans, we made ourselves scarce.

The next day they took Ms. Smelly Poop away in a small cage. We thought that they were finally getting rid of the thing, but a little later they came back, and she was still with them. How disappointing.

A couple of days later, again they put her in the little cage and took away. We figured since she had spent a couple more days in the big kennel that they weren't happy with all the noise she made. Finally, we were going to get the house back to ourselves. But, once again we were fooled. She came back with them a little bit later. Why don't they listen to us?

So, now the little home-wrecker is out and about with Hershey and me. We make the hiss sound whenever she gets too close, and we make sure that she doesn't take our favorite spots in the house. We will bide our time until our humans decide that there should only be two cats in this house...

Writer's Block: together we can find a cure

2010-10-07T01:18:00.004-05:00

I really hate writer's block. It's the bane of every writer. Everyone has experienced it it at one point in their life (or more). Whether it was a college paper, a short story for class, an article for a magazine, or the great American novel, writer's block affects the best of us. It seems to sneak up on you at the most inopportune times. Sometimes it lasts for a couple of hours, or a day. Sometimes it sticks around for days on end, completely wearing out its welcome.

So, how does one overcome writer's block? Ask any number of writers, and you'll get a different answer from each of them. Some start working on other projects waiting for it to clear. Some take a break from writing completely in order to regain focus. I heard about one author who took up cooking in order to get over writer's block. As for me, I'm of the ilk that will work on another project in the meantime, waiting for the inspiration to hit me again. There are a number of websites and applications to help writers overcome the debilitating mental condition, and I have found some help there, as well.

One thing that I used to do was switch on a television show, usually some sort of science fiction program. I soon realized that when I did this, I would come up with a number of ideas. But, when I got them down on paper, I realized that they were more often that not complete rip-offs of what I had just seen on TV! I stopped doing that.

For short periods of mental rest time, I will take on a good game of Solitaire or Bejeweled to give my brain a rest. This seems to get the juices flowing again, and gives me the strength to get through that one last paragraph.

While I was in the hospital, I found it difficult to concentrate on any one thing for a length of time, whether it was writing, video gaming, sudoku solving, etc. I never got the chance to get writer's block, because the minute I got a good rhythm going someone would be coming into the room to poke me, prod me, or give me a pill of some sort. So, when I experienced writer's block a few days ago, it seemed like a new feeling; I wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. I think I've gotten myself to a better mental place, and the writing can continue (mostly) uninterrupted.

This blog post was brought to you by the letter... uhhh... can't think of a letter right now, so I'll use 42.

Don't judge a meal by it's taste

2010-09-30T01:33:00.001-05:00

Did you know that it takes more than just the taste buds on your tongue to actually taste something? I knew that, but didn't realize how true it was until my hospital stay.

While I had the traych, I was unable to breath through my nose. All breathing was done through the breathing tube connected to the traych.

As I said earlier, I was on a fairly strict diet while I was on dialysis, so finding foods that I could stomach was paramount. I found that cranberry juice seemed to fit the bill, along with an egg-substitute that they served for breakfast. This, along with oatmeal with non-dairy creamer instead of milk, became something of a staple for breakfast for quite sometime.

When the time came to cap the traych, allowing me to breath normally, little did I know the culinary surprise in store for me. I quickly discovered, among other things, that: 1. I hate the taste of cranberry juice, 2. Egg substitute is no substitute for honest to goodness eggs, and 3. Non-dairy creamer does not, in fact, taste like milk. I found myself making a number of adjustments to my diet to satisfy my newly acquired sense of taste.

The lesson? It might not taste like a duck if it doesn't also smell like a duck.

Humanizing Technology

2010-09-28T02:15:00.001-05:00

During the beginning of my stay at the hospital, I really found myself feeling out of touch with the rest of the world. I'm definitely of a generation that is "plugged in" to information constantly. Whether it is Twitter and Facebook coming in as text messages to the mobile, any number of gadgets that find themselves able to access the Internet in a variety of places, or a trusty laptop in front of me, there is a constant stream of information coming to our minds.

Soon after arriving in the skilled nursing unit, Emily brought my iPod Touch up and all of a sudden I was reconnected to the collective conscious of the world. I once again had access to email that I had been unable to check for over a month, and I was able to start sending out status updates via Facebook. Though it was a slow and arduous process due to the fact that I still had limited control of my hands, I felt that I was once again part of a larger community.

Soon after, I was able to start using my laptop, which became a constant companion, giving me access to information, friends, and entertainment. In a very real way, it helped to keep me sane during those times when there were no family or friends around. I also was able to take advantage of the technology to start creating video blogs detailing my progress and thoughts that I was having that day. It's interesting to go back to those early blogs now 7 months out and remember what was going on in my brain at the time.

Do you dream with wheelchairs?

2010-09-27T02:17:00.002-05:00

Something that I have found bizarre during this time are the dreams that I have had. I remember my first dream that I can recall after waking up in the ICU. It was an incredibly fluid dream, and incredibly realistic, although the dream itself was pretty trippy, for lack of a better term. I was floating around this outdoor area, sometime in spring. A soprano was singing a beautiful song that I did not recognize (it may not have been a real song at all). I had this euphoric feeling the entire time.

As my sleep patterns normalized, and after I started using a CPAP machine (I have sleep apnea) I began to have dreams with a recurring theme: walking. It doesn't take Freud to determine the reason for these dreams. My mind was focused on a number of things during my stay at the hospital, but one of the foremost subjects was the idea of walking again. I had a number of dreams where I was in the hospital, and was walking around the floor, talking to the nurses, as if nothing had happened. The first time I had the dream, the nurses in my dream were very surprised to see me up and about so soon. But in subsequent dreams everyone I met seemed to see the walking as normal.

On a subconscious level, my brain always kept the hope of walking again alive, even if my conscious mind wasn't so sure it would happen. In fact, on a number of occasions, after having a particularly difficult day in therapy, I would have one of the walking dreams, as if my subconscious was cheering me along, telling me that it would happen, I just had to hand in there and work on it.

I've only even had one dream this whole time (that I remember) where I was in a wheelchair, and even in that dream, it wasn't long before I was up and walking. I've had a number of dreams where I am using some sort of forearm crutches or a cane, but I am always doing something more that I can now, such as climbing large stairs or running.

My friends and family may be my biggest cheerleaders, but my brain is obviously a close second.

Our Cats

2010-09-23T20:05:00.002-05:00

Here is a video that I created of our cats, Hershey and Mocha.

Defying Gravity

2010-09-23T11:22:00.002-05:00

This post is coming much later than it should. Wanna know why? Well, I'll tell you.

I was sitting messing about on the Internet last night, and made the decision to write my nightly blog posting. So, I go to start, and notice that it isn't auto-saving. My blog editor is saying that it doesn't have a connection to the blogging server anymore. I try other websites, and find no response. Giving a quick call to Mediacom customer service confirms that there is a service outage in my area and that they are "working to restore service as soon as possible" whatever that means.

Okay, so I decide to wait a bit to see if service comes back. Maybe a good time to pull some of the videos that I have recorded on my Flip camcorder and start editing them together. I flip the USB connector out and try to connect it to my computer. Unfortunately, where I currently have it to access here in the living room is not exactly convenient for connecting the camera. So, I make the decision to get up and go across the room to the USB kit in my IBM bag. I get up, walk across the room with my walker, no problems. I lean down to reach the kit out of the bag, and find it is just out of reach. So, I lean a bit more, and then it happens. I take a header into the walker and collapse on the floor in a pile of Marcus.

First thing's first, I need to extricate myself from the walker. After about 15 minutes of struggling with that, I find myself lying on the floor trying to decide what to do next. Finally, I call for Emily, knowing that I am going to need some sort of help if I am going to get off the floor before morning. Between the two of us, we try to come up with a plan to get my butt off of the floor, but nothing seems quite right. My mom heard us struggling out in the living room and came out to see what the problem was. It was her idea to try and crawl over to my bed and get up that way. I made it over to the bed, and with their help I was able to hoist my upper body onto the bed. Unfortunately, I was still stuck, face down, half way on the bed. Remembering that the bed can be raised and lowered, I instructed Emily to raise the bed as high as it would go, and then after that to raise the foot of the bed higher. Between the two, I was able to get my feet under me and eventually sit at the side of the bed.

3:00 in the morning, and all three of us were wide awake. But I was up on the bed, nursing a few aches and pains from the ordeal. It was something that I had thought about, and knew that might happen at some point, but I had no idea it was going to be that hard to accomplish something as simple as getting off the floor.

Gravity: it's the law.

Time in the ICU

2010-09-22T00:44:00.003-05:00

There are a number of things that I remember about my time in the ICU at Mercy Hospital. Since I was unable to roll myself over, the staff used a small (but powerful) sky lift that was attached to a track on the ceiling. They would lower the lift belt down and connect it to a harness that was placed below me in the bed. The belt was then raised, and the staff was able to change the dressings on the wounds that were on the back of my thigh. It was very scary at first, being lifted into the air, especially since I didn't have a lot of control over my body position. I felt like I was being left in mid-air. But the staff did an excellent job of making sure that nothing unfortunate happened.

Physical therapy has been, and continues to be, a large part of my recovery, and it started way back in the ICU. I remember it taking 6 people just to get me seated at the side of the bed. I was not able to hold myself upright without someone helping to prop me up. Doing leg lifts while seated was so difficult. You might as well have asked me to run the mile. There were attempts to find something that would allow me to sit upright while keeping undo weight off of the wounds on my legs. First was a special bed that was supposed to be able to go from lying down to almost upright automatically. Unfortunately, lying on it was something akin to trying to sleep on several boulders. After bringing my original bed back, they tried a chair that was able to recline into a nearly horizontal position. But, this was about as comfortable as sitting on a hay bail for a couple of hours. They then brought in a wheel chair that I was able to sit in. It was the most comfortable of the three options, although that really wasn't saying much. The nurses wanted me to sit in the chair for meals, which was extremely difficult. I was still having a hard time holding my head up, so combining that with attempts to eat with arms that were nearly as useless as those of a T-Rex made of a very frustrating meal. I sat in the chair eating my evening meal during the NFC championship game, and I literally do not remember any of it, I was so uncomfortable and miserable.

Not long after the traych had been put into my throat, the respiratory therapist wanted me to try and use something called a Pasimer valve. This small piece of plastic, when placed on the breathing tube, would allow me to talk. The first time that I used it, the whole process of talking seemed somewhat foreign. I sounded like a cartoon character, and phlegm from my throat would build up behind the valve and leave me in a fit of coughing. I later realized that if I removed the valve, I was able to clear my throat and stop the coughing fit. It was good to be able to do more than just point, jester, and mouth words, but it wasn't easy to get used to.

Pet Therapy

2010-09-21T01:51:00.002-05:00

I want to take a brief break from my account of my hospital stay to expound on pet therapy.

While I was staying in the skilled nursing department, about twice a month, a volunteer would come around with a dog on a leash. The dog that was there most of the time was a large labradoodle, which is a cross between a labrador retriever and a poodle. This was a bit of an odd looking dog, but the sweetest animal. Petting him gave me a very calming feeling, and really put a smile on my face, which considering the situation, was quite an accomplishment.

Being in the skilled wing, I was able to have one of our cats come and visit me in the room. We chose Hershey because she is the most outgoing and the least skittish of our two cats. The first visit consisted of Hershey exploring the room and basically ignoring me. But at that time I hadn't seen her in almost three months, so just having her in the room was great. Subsequent visits went better, although she never got totally comfortable with the room.

After one of the visits, the nurse came in and took my blood pressure. It was about 20 points lower than it usually was! This occurred after a subsequent visit, and I had the same result. It was amazing the calming effect that Hershey had on me. Even now, as I continue to recover at home, our cats continue to create an aura of calm around the house... unless they are tearing around playing with each other. Then all you can do is make sure your feet stay clear of the trajectory!

Beginning Anew, Part 2

2010-09-20T00:44:00.004-05:00

After the surgery, I was taken to the ICU to recover. I was out for a week, as my family and friends and the doctors all waited to see if I would respond to the antibiotics. Soon, my fever broke. After this I woke up, although I have no memories of the first week. I was basically just responding to different stimuli in the room. I was focusing in the direction of voices in the room. I seemed to respond when they turned the television on and Star Wars was playing.

When I finally became consciously aware of things, I remember being very confused. I didn't know where I was, or what time or date it was. I spent a lot of time drifting in and our of sleep. I remember thinking to myself at one point that I must be at the University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City for some reason. My brothers, their wives, and my nephew flew in soon after they learned that I was in the hospital. I do remember them coming in and saying goodbye. Of course, this entire time I've been intubated so I was unable to speak. So all I could do was smile, nod, and point.

It was about this time that I became fully aware of my surroundings. I saw a note that had been left for the staff that I liked the Disney Channel and the SciFi Channel on the television. I looked at the calendar across the room, and came to a startling realization. As far as I had know up to this point, I had been in the hospital for a couple of days. But, when I saw the days marked off on the calendar, I realized that I had been in the hospital for a week!

I also became aware of something that would completely change my view of the world. I was unable to move my legs, and my arms were nearly useless. And on top of that, I could not feel my feet. I don't remember really saying anything about it, but it definitely scared me.

A couple of days after I woke up, the decision was made to remove the breathing tube from my mouth and do a tracheotomy. This is basically a breathing tube in the throat that allows you to breath with the help of a ventilator, but also be able to do things like eating and drinking. This was my first surgery that I was aware of. I was apprehensive, but came through with flying colors.

Soon after I became aware of the world around me, I experienced my first bout with dialysis. During this whole ordeal, my kidneys had shut down, which meant there was nothing to remove the impurities from my blood. The doctors were also using the process to remove excess fluid from my body. In an attempt to bring my blood pressure up to a level that they could at least measure, they pumped my full of fluids. Apparently, I look unbelievably bloated after this process. Needless to say, there was a lot of excess fluid to remove.

During dialysis, your blood is cycled through a machine that basically performs the function of the kidneys. This process is very tiring, and can make you sick to your stomach, especially if they are also pulling massive amounts of fluids off of your body. There are a number of restrictions that go along with this process. They put you on a fluid restriction. You do not realize just how thirsty you can get until you can't have anything to drink. The nurses did a good job of regulating my liquids so that I didn't use everything up early in the day. But there was a lot of eating ice chips in the meantime.

There are also restrictions on the diet. I was not able to eat foods with a lot of potassium or phosphorus. This removed pretty much all dairy from my diet, and for someone who loves milk and cheese, this was a huge deal. So, I had to put non-dairy creamer on my cereal in the morning, and I was unable to have any milk to drink. No grilled cheese sandwiches, no cheese burgers, no pizza. If dialysis did not bring my kidneys back to life, I wasn't sure how I was going to survive with such a limited diet.

More later...

Beginning Anew

2010-09-19T00:13:00.004-05:00

Well, here I am, back again. I keep coming back to this blog, wanting something to say, something to share with everyone. I've had many ideas in the past, but nothing seemed right. That was before 2010. This has been a year of change, a year of struggle, and a year of hope. Now, if you will indulge me, I want to share my experiences from the past half year. A year that started with a lovely Christmas celebration, and quickly degraded into a life-or-death struggle with an organism that I had no idea had taken up residence in my body.

January 10th was just like any other Sunday. We returned from celebrating Christmas with my family in Pennsylvania, and headed to bed, looking forward to a Monday off from work. Monday came, and I started to feel as though I had caught a touch of the flu. I remember having dinner with my wife that night. Because my stomach wasn't feeling well, I thought that a nice turkey sandwich from Panera would hit the spot.

Things are a bit fuzzy until bedtime, when I started to shiver uncontrollably. We piled the blankets on as I tried desperately to get warm, but nothing seemed to be working. It was then that I remembered we had a fan with a heating element in the bathroom, so I went into the bathroom and turned the heating fan on. I then asked Emily to get me some hot tea. As I sat getting warm, drinking hot tea and bottled water, it occurred to me that perhaps I was dehydrated, since the symptoms seemed to fit. So I continued to take in fluids like mad, something that, in retrospect, was probably a bad idea. I don't remember a lot after this.

I have vague memories of waking up the next morning, and telling Emily that I had called my boss at work to tell him that I wouldn't be in (although I hadn't). I don't remember the following events, but Emily and my parents have related bits and pieces to me. Apparently, the next few hours consisted of me traveling between the bathroom and the bedroom, all the while telling Emily that I was okay. Emily had since asked her parents (who live here in Dubuque) to come over because she was worried about how I was acting, telling my wife at one point, apparently, that I had a tumor. All I can think of when I hear this is Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Kindergarten Cop" telling the children "it's not a tumor!" As I slipped further into delirium, my father-in-law called my parents (who live about 90 minutes away) and asked them to come down. Soon after they arrived, I was to the point where I was talking incoherently. At that point, my father made the decision to call 911.

Apparently it was quite the scene outside of our house in our quiet little subdivision. For, when you make a 911 call, regardless of the emergency, you will receive the following emergency vehicles: a police cruiser, a fire rescue truck, and an ambulance. I'm a big guy, and I was bigger when this happened, so it took quite a few of the responders to get me on the gurney and out to the ambulance. I have what I can only imagine is a false memory of being dropped before reaching the ambulance. The next memory is being slid into the ambulance. I then have a brief memory of the ambulance garage at Mercy Hospital, as they took me out of the ambulance and rushed me to the emergency room. Jump to one of the examination rooms in the ER, and my memory of trying to get up off of the examination table, telling people that "I have to leave." Emily said that I was very out of it at this point, and not making a lot of sense at all.

At this point, my memories stop. The rest is from accounts from friends and family. I was taken to surgery so that they could determine why my body's systems were failing. The surgeon told my family that I had a 10 percent chance of surviving the surgery, but a 1 percent chance of surviving without the surgery. Quite possibly the hardest thing that my wife had to do at that time was to sign the consent form giving the doctors permission to perform surgery, a surgery that I may not return from. The staff then began to wheel me down to the operating room. As they pulled me into the waiting elevator, one of the wheels took a bad turn and became lodged between the elevator and the main floor. Unfortunately, all of the staff members helping were at that point in the elevator, behind the bed. My father-in-law, in a moment of fast thinking and super-human strength, lifted the bed by himself and got it into the elevator.

I came out of surgery with three deep wounds in my right leg, where the surgeon had removed skin in an attempt to determine what had happened. By this time, the only system in my body that hadn't shut down was my circulatory system, and as it was, my blood pressure was not high enough to register on the equipment. I had a fever somewhere over 105 F. And I was out cold. The doctors basically told my family that all we could do was wait at this point and hope that the fluids and antibiotics would do their job.

To be continued (of course)...

Movie Review: Evan Almighty

2008-04-02T20:27:00.003-05:00

This originally appeared in the Dubuque Telegraph-Herald.

Genesis 6:14 – So make yourself an ark of gopher wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out.

When references to this Biblical verse start to creep into Evan Baxter’s life, he begins to think that there is something odd going on. When the wood and tools for an ark are delivered to his family’s new house, he knows there’s something up. The visit from God, well, that was the icing on the cake.

“Evan Almighty” is the sequel to Jim Carey’s 2003 comedy “Bruce Almighty”. Steve Carell reprises his role as newscaster Evan Baxter. In the first moments of the movie, we find out that Evan has been elected to the U.S. Congress. So, it’s off to Washington, D.C., for Evan, his wife (Gilmore Girl Lauren Graham), and three sons.

While it may be a bit clichéd for movies of this structure, we soon realize that Evan’s family life is not perfect. During his recent run for Congress, it appears as though Evan’s relationship with his sons and wife has taken a back-burner. But, this new move has come with the promise of more family time, starting with a family hike in the beautiful countryside of Prestige Crest, the brand new housing development that they’ve moved into. Unfortunately, career advancement rears its ugly head on Evan’s first day on the job, when he is asked to be junior sponsor on a bill that senior Congressman Long (John Goodman) wants to move through during this session.

If that wasn’t enough, Evan receives a visit from God (Morgan Freeman, reprising his role). Much to Evan’s surprise, God asks him to build an ark, for there is a flood coming. Of course, Evan finds this quite difficult to believe. But, over the course of the next couple of days, a number of things happen that will either drive Evan crazy, or convince him that God actually does want him to build an ark.

To be honest, the plot and execution of this script are mundane, at best. I can’t say that I was truly surprised by anything that happened. We’ve seen the family problems in a hundred other movies. And the idea of God coming down and talking to the common man? We’ve seen that, as well. So, why did I like this movie? Steve Carell is a huge part of that. His comedic timing, his physical comedy mixed with dry wit, it’s all just so irresistible. I truly enjoyed watching him on-screen. The cast of supporting actors is also to be commended. From Evan’s congressional staffers to John Goodman’s turn as a money-grubbing politician, they are all quite enjoyable.

This movie is the definition of a “feel good movie”. The movie brought a genuine smile to my face by the end, beyond the laughing that I was doing the rest of the time. Ignoring the knock across the head received from the environmental issues, it’s a movie about what is truly important in life, though most people won’t have to build an ark to find them.

The Grand Plan

2008-04-02T20:25:00.004-05:00

Okay, I realize that I need to start this whole blogging thing again. I've decided to do a couple of things: try and post more, and post a movie review at least once a week. The reviews could be reviews of previously released movies, or new releases, depends on what I feel like doing that week. I've been wanting to get back to it for a while, so here goes.

Mass Effect Over-Reaction

2008-01-27T20:20:00.000-06:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=L13Ct40cFIU&feature=related

I actually couldn't believe what I was watching. I had heard about the controversy over Fox's coverage of a brief sex scene in the game Mass Effect, but I hadn't actually watched the segment in question. But, then I saw this segment that Adam Sessler did for X-Play, and I knew I had to finally see it for myself.

Oh... My... God.

I thought I had seen some closed-minded talk about video games in the past (read: anything with the name Jack Thompson) but this segment truly takes the cake. Let's look at the fact that, by both the host's and Ms. Lawrence's own admissions, they have never played the game. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that the host actually spent more time researching the game in the few minutes she spent on the web looking at trailers for the game than Ms. Lawrence did, and she was the one who was forming the opinion. As a side note, I found it amusing that the host was amazed that none of the trailers said anything about the rampant sex involved in the game. It shows that a) Microsoft was not marketing the sex in the game and b) it takes up such a minute part of the game that they didn't feel it was necessary to point it out. I guess I will, too, develop the same opinion of Ms. Lawrence's book, The Cult of Perfection, based solely on the front cover, and the title of the book.

I feel very sorry for Geoff Keighly, a person whom I have a great deal of respect in the video game industry. He was the sole voice of reason in the entire discussion, and he was constantly cut-off and patronized by both the host and Ms. Lawrence. It was quite obvious that the host, instead of being an impartial mediator presenting both sides of a story, had already developed an incorrect opinion in line with Ms. Lawrence. Any time that Geoff tried to bring up the fact that the sex scene lasted a fraction of the time of the game, or that it was actually the product of extensive character development, and not just a "have sex" option in the game, he was constantly interrupted and belittled by the other's in the conversation.

Once again, Fox News Channel shows their obvious conservative bias, and continues to bring shame to the cable news community. With news outlets like this, who needs the government to spin everything?

3:00 AM

2008-01-27T03:20:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's 3 in the morning, and I can't seem to get to sleep. Might have something to do with the fact that I took a 4-hour nap this afternoon, I don't know.

This past week has been a long, weird, stressful week. I'm glad that I am able to be here for my family, though. If I had to stay at home and not know what was going on, or be able to actually talk face-to-face with people, I think I'd probably explode.

I'm trying to get back into composition. The problem here is that I have so many potential compositions going on in my brain at once, it's hard to concentrate long enough to get one of them down en total before another one rears its head and begs to be written down. I guess maybe I should try and work on a couple of them at the same time, spending a little time on one, and then switching to another one for a bit. That might work.

I've got a Gloria in my head that I want to get down. And then there is a cantata based on the classic comedy sketch "Who's On First" by Abbott and Costello (no, really!). The idea came from a P.D.Q. Bach piece that we did in choir one year. And then there is the series of pieces that I've wanted to do now based on the Psalms in the Bible. It's sort of a personal challenge, to write a short choral/solo/instrumental piece based on all 150 contained in the Book of Psalms. Well, we'll see what actually gets accomplished first.

Ok, I really need to at least attempt to get some sleep.

Things I Don't Understand

2007-11-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

At some point in everyone's life, they come upon things that, no matter how they try to wrap their brain around them, they simply will not understand. It's not that these things are necessarily mind-bogglingly complex. They can be quite simple, on the surface. But for some reason, they just don't "click." There is a disconnect in there somewhere; if only you could find it and change it, everything would be better somehow. I guess that is our nature as humans, as we strive to make the world a better place for us. In order to achieve this lofty goal that we have set for ourselves, we need to first fix the little things in our life. But, what if it is one of those "little things" that has become an incomprehensible mess in your life. Something that, yesterday seemed so tiny and harmless, but now has become something more. Something that changes from day to day, almost hour to hour at times. First everything is fine and dandy, there's flowers and butterflies in the air. It looks like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. The next thing you know, the dark clouds have rolled in, the storms of emotion rage, and things can never be the same again. But, as sudden as they came, they roll out again.

The thing that I don't understand is not PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The thing that I don't understand is why everyone sees it but the person that needs to.

Stayin' Alive

2007-08-22T00:41:00.000-05:00

Yep, I'm still here, alive and kicking. The job is going great. It was definitely a good move for me, not only professionally and financially, but emotionally, as well.
Now, I'm ot, nor will I ever be, a morning person, but it is nice to have that be the only obstical to getting up in the morning, as opposed to not wanting to go into work, as well.
I think that we are very close to being officially moved into our new house. We are having a housewarming party this Sunday, so that has been the motivation to finish up the nagging little things that are still left to unpack. By Saturday, everything will be in the place it will stay, for a while, at least. Oh, and we're never moving again...

New job, Week 4

2007-05-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

A quick report on my new job, going into week four. Man, it's different working here than it was working at Carlisle. Most of it is different in a good way.

It is so nice to have more than 2 people in the IT department. There are a lot of things that happen from day to day that I simply don't have to worry about on a daily basis, like the nightly backups, das blinken lights on the servers in the server room, etc. I can, for the most part, concentrate on projects that I need to get done without a ton of interruptions.

And, wouldn't you know it, I met up with another person today that works here that I knew from way back when I started at Carlisle. Weird how they seem to end up here... guess that's a good thing.

Back to projects.

The Sad State of My Blog (An Apology)

2007-05-10T13:46:00.001-05:00

Okay, so yes, my blog has languished in disuse for too long. Can we remedy this please?

Well, I've started a new job. Good-bye to S4 Carlisle Publishing Services, the company that gave me my first career opportunity. I was there for eleven years! That's longer than some people are at their first four jobs!

Hello to Woodward Communications, Inc. It is a much bigger company, with subsidiaries and everything. I'm still in IT, but it will be a markedly different experience here. I'm going from a department of 2 (me and my manager) to a department of 9. That, and I will be doing a lot of the support for our subsidiaries, so that means I'll be able to get out of the office from time to time. Something that I am looking forward quite a bit.

It's been a scary transition. I haven't started a new long-term employment in 11 years. This whole "first day on the job" thing is pretty freaky, but I'm getting over it. Day four, and I haven't blown anything up, and they haven't asked me to leave yet, so I must be doing something right :)

Well, my lunch hour is almost over, so I will sign out for now.

Addicted to Video Games?

2007-03-13T23:44:00.001-05:00

So, up until last week, I had been putting many, many hours into playing a video game. The game in question? Battlefield 2142. The exact stats? Total playing time of 3 days, 21 hours, and 50 minutes. And that was over the course of only a couple of months. Now, that may not seem like a lot of time, but when you consider that there towards the end I was spending between 2 and 5 hours with the game almost every night of the week, it gets pretty bad.

What exactly was the allure? Well, I think that part of it was the multiplayer aspect. The best computer AI can never replace the experience of playing with and against real, live, human counterparts. Everyone has quirks, makes mistakes, and has a certain unpredictability. Add to that the sense of camaraderie that comes from playing with others on teams, and it becomes a very addicting experience. Of course, the game itself is great. Excellent graphics, great sound, detailed environments, superb vehicles, it all adds up to one super gaming experience.

So, maybe when I can begin to balance my writing with my game playing, I'll pick up another copy of Battlefield 2142 and start playing again. That'll be quite the away bonus.

The Oscars

2007-02-27T12:23:00.000-06:00

The Oscars have come and gone this year, and every year there is something that surprises or at the very least pleases me. This year, while I wasn't particularly shocked with any of the awards, I was pleasantly surprised with a couple. In the Short Feature category, I was pleasantly surprised to see "West Bank Story" win. For those that haven't seen this short, I implore you to go check it out on iTunes. If you have ever seen "West Side Story", you will enjoy this short. And the director's message of peace is not only applicable to the situation in the middle east, but to the world in general.

I was also pleasantly surprised with the tribute and lifetime achievement award for Ennio Morricone. This composer got his start composing music for the old Italian westerns, also known as "spaghetti westerns", like "A Fist Full of Dollars". In fact, this famous score was Ennio's first. In all, the composer has created over 400 film scores, but has never won an Academy Award. I was glad that he was allowed to express himself in his native Italian during his acceptance speech, and it was nice to see Clint Eastwood translating. I am not a big fan of Celine Dion, but I really was impressed with her performance of the new song that Ennio had composed. Very well done.

"Man of the Year" Review

2007-02-19T23:04:00.000-06:00

Robin Williams' election-time movie is coming out on DVD tomorrow, so I thought that this was a good point to post my review of the movie. This movie appeared, in a slightly edited form, in my local newspaper, The Telegraph-Herald.

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It would be easy to use clichés like “ripped from the headlines” and “art imitates life” to describe “Man of the Year.” Tom Dobbs, a political satirist in the vein of Jon Stewart or Bill Maher, points out nightly the foibles of our democracy to much comic effect. During a Q&A session before one of his shows, an audience member suggests that Dobbs should run for president. Initially dismissing the notion, Dobbs comes to believe that this could be the best way to give the democratic process a kick in the seat. He announces his candidacy for the presidency, and the campaign tour begins.

Meanwhile in Silicon Valley, Delacroy Systems has been awarded a government contract to deploy a high-tech computerized voting system. But, unbeknownst to the world, there is a glitch in the system. A glitch that programmer Eleanor Green has discovered. Being the diligent employee that she is, she emails the CEO of the company, Mathias Hemmings, and tells him about the implications of this glitch. But with the election looming so close, Hemmings has no intention of jeopardizing the bottom line by addressing this minor problem. The decision is made; "the perception of legitimacy is more important than legitimacy itself." When the election night results start to mimic the glitch, Eleanor has to make a decision that will not only affect her, but an entire nation.

Barry Levinson and Robin Williams return to the roots of their first collaboration nearly twenty years ago, the critically-acclaimed “Good Morning, Vietnam,” with “Man of the Year.” Williams’ performance as Armed Forces Radio DJ Adrian Cronauer, which earned him a Golden Globe award as well as Oscar and BAFTA nominations, proved to the world that not only was he a funny guy, but he could do serious, as well. Just as in “Vietnam”, Levinson manages to mix Williams’ trademark stream-of consciousness comedy wit with the seriousness of a political drama. Williams is able to take hold of scenes like the political debate between Dobbs, Senator Mills, played by Canadian-born David Ferry, and incumbent President Kellog, portrayed by David Nichols, and turns them into frenetic showpieces that are part comic routine, part political diatribe.

Behind the scenes of Dobbs’ political campaign are Jack Menken, his manager, played by Christopher Walken, and Eddie Langston, Dobb’s head writer, played by Lewis Black. Black, whose day-job as political commentator for Comedy Central mimics the movie, seems to be right at home here. And Walken’s seasoned manager Langston helps to show the thin line between entertainment and reality, as he quips that he's going to be the first manager of the President of the United States to an interviewer.

But anyone looking for a comic satire will find more than they expected with “Man of the Year”. I will not condemn a movie for the marketing decisions that the studio makes, but I think that Universal is doing a disservice not only to the viewers, but to the vision of the filmmakers by selling this as a comedy. Like Levinson’s “Vietnam,” the third act of the movie takes on a very serious tone. Dobbs’ wrestling with his moral decision to take the presidency is played along side Hemmings’ malicious attempts to find and silence Laura Linney’s socially challenged programmer Eleanor Green. While the suspense at times feels a bit out-of-place in the first two acts of the movie, I found myself drawn into it by the third act. Jeff Goldblum is wonderfully creepy as Delacroy’s corporate lawyer Alan Stewart. While his black-and-white loyalties may be a bit of a slap in the face to the viewer, it’s oddly comforting to know that there are no ambiguities about his, or Hemmings’, motives.

Levinson’s film style moves from pseudo-documentary to standard drama so fluidly that you will probably never know the difference. The points at which he chooses to make these switches are well timed, and fit each situation. There is nothing jarring about the stylistic differences, and it helps to support the legitimacy of what’s happening on-screen.

The relationship that eventually develops between Dobbs and Green at first seems forced, and out-of-the-blue. What in the beginning seems like a nice person just being a nice person is soon replaced with almost blind devotion, as Dobbs chooses to believe what Green is telling him, even in the face of almost overwhelming evidence to the contrary. But, upon further reflection, it is a credit to the character of Tom Dobbs, as it becomes clear that he has a true gift for sorting the rhetorical chaff from the wheat, so to speak. And while their relationship still seems a bit forced, it helps to create a satisfying payoff at the end of the movie.

With lines like “the free world will now be led by a comedian,” “Man of the Year” is a movie that comes at the right time, with the right message. That message is clear: if you want something changed, change it. And don’t ever settle for less than what you truly believe in.

Hello, world!

2007-02-19T15:44:00.000-06:00

Okay, so call me late to the party. I've tried to keep blogs on multiple sites, like MySpace and the website the I write for, Inside Mac Games, but it's no fun trying to keep them all up-to-date, and I usually end up just not posting anything.

So, as of today, this is my blog. All of my thoughts (however mundane, useless, or otherwise) will be posted here, and only here. So, come back and visit for a while, and take in an entry from Pixelback Writer's Guide to the Galaxy!